Sunday, May 24, 2009

In Which Things Aren't As They Seem

Two very unexpected things were revealed to me over the last couple of days. It was really a lesson in trying not to form assumptions about situations, because whatever you're thinking, it's probably wrong.

The largest issue involves DH's children. His ex is at a point where she can wrap up her career, and is married to a lawyer in Europe. Since his law training is useless in Canada, and her career is at a point where she's pensionable, I (and everyone else) assumed that she would move to be with him. Of course, the big question here would be what might happen with his children... do they go with her or stay with us? As the archetypal evil stepmother, I was very much in favour of them leaving the country... although DH would have been dinged for support, I would have been much happier with the kids out of my life. DH, of course, being the good father he is, strongly favoured the girls remaining with us permanently. There were no ideal solutions for anyone.

I learned yesterday that DH's ex's foreign husband was selling his house and moving to Ottawa. I was gobsmacked... it makes no sense for them as far as money goes, but it's by far the better solution for the people. I asked DH if maybe it means his ex actually gave a damn about the kids, and he said no, she was probably pressured into it by her parents and friends. That makes more sense. It's a good solution; the right solution... but I didn't ever think it might happen. I feel... relieved.

A minor issue has been regarding a certain friend at school. We were in each other's back pockets for the entire first semester; travelling in a pack, as it were. Then in the second semester, he became distant and even hostile, repeatedly rebuffing my attempts at resuming our friendship. This last week we've not even made eye contact, let alone talked... I missed our friendship, was hurt by his behaviour, and completely did not understand what I'd done to deserve this treatment. Because, of course, this was all about me. Right?

He's let me know since that he was suffering from severe depression over the last few weeks. I knew he had a history, and considered it to be a possibility, but I didn't think it might explain everything about his behaviour. Of all the people at school, I know him best... therefore I was the one that he felt he needed to distance himself from the most aggressively. I don't think I could have got through to him by trying harder, but it makes me feel good for trying as hard as I did to get through to him.

So, it's been an educational weekend for me and my assumptions. I doubt I've learned any lessons here... old dog, new tricks and all, but perhaps next time I'll consider the possibility that it might not be all about me.


Velda said...


xup said...

Gee, how old are these kids and what’s wrong with them that makes you want them out of your life? Maybe you`ve posted about it at some point and I missed it. Anyway, I'm glad things worked out for the best and I hope your friend pulls himself through this.